What a scare these past few weeks have been.
And while I can only speak for myself, I don't believe it was a fluke.
I rarely write or share my feelings about God, religion and my faith. But I feel compelled to today. It has taken me some time to get to this point. Some time to really believe what I am thinking. And today, I do. So I'm going to get on my tiny soapbox for a minute, bare with me.
I think that God works through us and our loved ones in ways that we cannot begin to understand. I think he has a far greater plan for our lives than we could ever imagine. I believe that if Michelle did have cancer, our prayers still would have been answered - answered in a much more challenging way to grasp and comprehend mind you, but answered nonetheless. Their would have been more hurt and more anger and more heartache and more sorrow. But somewhere in that mess, their would have been good. I know it. I believe that his answers are not always ours and often not what we would like. I don't think God gives us things we, or rather He, can't handle. Again, I almost feel as though it's not my place to be writing this, as it was not ME in the situation. It was not my body. My 8 year old son who needed me. My husband. My possible life or death at stake. But it was my sister. My mom and dad. My brother. My husband - who were all in pain with her and for her. I never want to forget the ways in which I depended on Faith and others prayers for this situation. For my sister's outcome of course. But also, selfishly, for my clarity, my sanity, my comfort and my relief. It's so easy to forget God when things are moving along smoothly. Let our Faith slip away when times are good. Chris's brother in-law, Mark, writes about this beautifullyin this post. I want to make every effort not to do that moving forward. I also have a place in my heart for those who don't get to write a post like this. Who aren't blessed with good news. Who's families are torn. I have learned a lot from others strength in the past few weeks, reading articles and blogs and it is beyond me how some are so positive. but it's humbling, that's for sure.
And for those who may be thinking "Her marrow is clean. It's science. It's great, but it's not God." I hear you. I've been there. In fact, often times I am still there. But something about this situation caught me in my tracks. I can't really explain it, but it's kind of awesome.
Anyways, thank you for your thoughts, your kind notes and your prayers. I am grateful - and I know Michelle is too.
PS: There is still no word on what is actually wrong. However, she is feeling better and her white blood cell count is going down. The doctor is honestly stumped. They will check bone marrow again in December and run some more blood work in a couple of weeks. For now, the doctor said that this is the best news that there could be. I will keep you posted.