...pause...
Forgive me.
It's the first time writing his initials down on paper and I am having a moment.
Does that look okay?
Is it too much like WD-40? Or WKD? Or WTF? Hmm....
We need to give that some thought.
Anyways, I just finished finalizing Baby Boy's registry items and I can't help but notice the differences in preparing for a second child rather than the first.
Case in point. I just finished our registry. And he will be here in 8 weeks. I had Logan's registry done about a minute after learning she was a girl and I'm pretty sure her items were already washed, organized, put away and the nursery was nearing completion by now.
This time around, baby has a few clothes purchased (not washed), about 10 newborn diapers (leftover from a shower I hosted) and a crib (with no bedding). The registry process took all of a 45-minute trip to Babies R Us and few online adjustments - a far cry from the first time we registered. Registering for Logan took piles of research, emails, phone calls, note taking and general confusion when we hit the aisles with a scanner in our hands. Do we need a diaper warmer? A pacifier case? Sensitive or Unscented wipes? Jersey knit sheets or organic cotton? I felt overwhelmed and underprepared for what was to come. This time was a more 'Bata Bing, Bata Boom' approach: A few pacifiers, a set of sheets, some diapers, a double stroller and we should be good to go, right? Er....right.
My literature reviews are also significantly down with this pregnancy. I haven't opened "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for months now and "What to Expect in the First Year" was quickly replaced with "Potty Training Made Easy" (hah!). And forget about "Baby Wise". A newborn schedule? What's that?
Foolishly, I haven't yet brushed up on labor techniques, could not recite a hospital bag checklist, have not done a tour of our new hospital nor have we taken any sort of parenting / sibling class (and don't really plan to).
Perhaps I am being too hopeful, but this time around, I seem to have a calming sense of, "I've got this." One major breakthrough I am hoping to make on round two is listening to my instincts a bit more. I swear that I didn't even know what instincts were with Logan and if I did feel an inkling of one, I questioned it by reading a million books, 'Googling' it, asking other parents what they thought. To say I trusted my own intuitions would be a far cry from the truth.
Overall the second time around has me a little less anxious, a little less scared and admittedly, a little bit torn. In a way it has me mourning the loss of just having Logan. I know it's normal to feel this way...I know I have enough love for both...I know I won't remember life with just one....yatta, yatta. But still. I'm sad. Logan has been mine for 2 1/2 years and I have been hers. I can't help but feel guilt when thinking about telling her "no" because I am busy with her brother. Or telling her to "get off" because I need to nurse. Or telling her to "stop" because she is being too loud. Not to mention the practical sense of just having one to get out the door, load up in the car, or cart around the grocery store. I am already missing having my little buddy just one on one...
On that same note, one thing that I am eagerly excited for is for Logan to have a sibling. I see how much care she gives to her babies, how much she loves to be around her cousins and how she asks "When is baby brother going to ride next to me?" while in the car. She also stated the other day that her brother was her best friend (easy to say while he's still in here - ha). Seeing the two of them together is certainly one of the things I am most anticipating.
Selfishly, I am hoping that my labor is easier the second time around. That nursing is easier. That adjusting to life with a newborn is easier. I am hoping that he doesn't have reflux and likes to cuddle. I am hoping that trusting my gut will come easier and... that sleeping through the night comes before 9 months.
The second time around certainly comes with it's own set of uncertainties and unknowns but for the most part, it is welcomed with a higher dose of confidence and sense of "bring it on" - mostly because I now know how precious the reward can be.
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