'Peanut Butter Knife Licker"

It's about time that I share this story with you.

In the spirit of it being a Monday morning (after a very late Sunday night), having checked all but replied to ( 0 ) emails this morning, feeling only half awake and half human, and thinking of every reason I can not to tackle my long to-do list of building websites, creating a power point presentation, sourcing for 2011 programs, let me share with you one of the ways in which I have chosen to avoid working this morning.

Going to the kitchen to witness this nice little routine brought to you daily by ...the 'Peanut Butter Knife Licker'.

Read on:

- Every. Morning. at 8:45 am PBKL sets her bread out on the counter, next to the community toaster.

- PBKL then takes her peanut butter from the shelf and sets it next to the bread.

- PBKL will get out a knife, from the SHARED silverware drawer, and place next to her peanut butter.

- PBKL then proceeds to do god knows what for the next 41 minutes.

- PBKL will return to the kitchen at 9:26am. It is then that she takes her bread out to actually place in the toaster.

- PBKL will hover over the toaster, watching her masterpiece slightly burn. This is how you know she's in there.

- PBKL will hit the 'Cancel' button and will fetch her toast out with the knife.

- PBKL then smears her semi-burnt toast with a plenty of crunchy peanut butter.

- When it is sufficiently smothered and the knife has a thick layer of peanut butter residue PBKL will do the impossible (yet very predictable given her name)

-She will LICK the COMMUNITY knife. Both sides. With people in the room. Watching.

- For whatever reason, PBKL chooses NOT place the knife in the community dishwasher but instead will swipe the peanut-butter-licked-knife under the sink for all of 2 seconds before she...

- places the contaminated knife BACK in the drawer. Peanut Butter residue, spit and all.

I kid you not. If I didn't have a gag reflex, I would take a picture for you, as there is a drawer full of PBKL's evidence.

And while it's not very nice, can I also just mention that PBKL has enough hair on her upper lip that peanut butter residue is still sticking to it at the end of the day when you find her in the bathroom - gasp - washing dishes!! Another post people, another post.

We are not too sure what to say, think or do about PBKL. All I know is that she must be pretty amazing at her job, whatever it is, as everyone in company from the receptionist to the CEO is aware of her habits. And yes, people have brought to her attention the severity, of I don't know, say, Peanut Allergies!! Or, hello, Manners!?! This does not stop PBKL.

It's really quite baffling to watch PBKL in action - what with the routine, the precise timing and the sheer grosness of it all, it really does occupy these Monday mornings very well.


Beth said...

OMG! That is insane. As a mom of a kid with a peanut allergy it scares the crap out of me, but even more than that it is just so gross and unsanitary!! Thanks for sharing, though.

Tiffany and Chris said...

Beth, I always think of you when she does this!! Really, someone with a legitimate health concern for their daughter, rather than me giving her baffled looks, needs to talk some sense into her. Geesh!

Anonymous said...

That's horrible! I say you all stage an intervention. Or better yet, get her her own knife and put her name on it for her to keep her germs to herself! Gross.